How does it feel to be the last man on earth to give up his flip phone?
Listen, I would never have done it if the damn thing hadn’t stopped working.
So, how long did you have it?
Must have been eight years. When I got it, it was quite the new-fangled technology.
What made it so great? Like, what did it do?
It made phone calls. And it could text, if you didn’t mind pressing the “7” key four times to get an “S.”
Is that all?
Took photos too. Mostly of the inside of my pocket.
And it didn’t bother you that everyone else could check email, surf the web and get navigation help on their phones.
Like they say, you can’t miss what you never had. Besides, as a writer, I found it very conducive to writing. Nothing to distract me.
But didn’t you feel bad that everyone else on the planet had a smart phone? Didn’t it make you feel, well, dumb?
I heard the laughter. Every time I took it out people would point and stare, like I’d arrived in a time machine from the past. Got so bad I would sneak off to where no one could see me to use it. If I got a call—which was rare—I wouldn’t embarrass myself by answering in public. I’d wait until I got home to see who phoned.
So you decided to modernize.
Really had no choice. The people in the phone store took pity on me, though. They gave me a fancy carrying case for free, I guess to help make me feel welcome in the 21st century.
And do you?
Frankly, I feel liberated. I check my email every few minutes. There’s weather updates too. I never have to look out the window. I can play games on it as well. Of course I haven’t written a thing in a week…
What did you do with the old phone?
I’ve shipped it off to the Smithsonian.
What’s next for you?
The sky’s the limit. Might even sign up for cable TV.