I admit it; I’m tapped out this week. The idea well is dry, and even fracking my brain won’t help. But this won’t be the Saturday Morning Post if I don’t post something on Saturday morning, so I better come up with a topic.
Okay, calm down. Remind yourself that some of your best blogs have been written under deadline pressure. One hour to go until post time. Post time? I’m starting to feel like Seabiscuit—pawing at the turf, working up a sweat.
Check the “Blogs in Work” idea file. I’ve got a dozen half-baked thoughts in there; maybe one of them will appeal. Open the file titled “The Unsenti-Mentalist.” There’s a picture of that guy from the show “The Mentalist,” and a line about how he’s better looking than me. That’s all. What the hell was I thinking? Here’s one called “The Wonder of the Subconscious.” Yeah, that sounds like a winner, if, that is, I were blogging for the American Psychiatric Association.
Delete those files.
Elections are Tuesday. I used to work in politics. But who wants to read an ex-hack’s plea for this or that cause, or a Pollyanna pitch about it’s your responsibility to get to the polls? Give your readers a break, man.
I’ve got it. Surf Twitter. See what other writers and editors are talking about. That’s sure to spark an idea. Here’s one from Book Riot: our reader poll of favorite novels. Sounds promising. First on the list is To Kill a Mockingbird. Next is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Uh oh.
Number 3 is Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte; then The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; then The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald; then The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien. Oh no! They posted someone’s high school reading list and are trying to pretend people actually voted for these books as their all-time favorites. But what if people really did? Too depressing. Look! Infinite Jest is number 20. Now I know the list is fake.
Desperation time. How about another blog on the screwed up writing business? Scam contests? The psychology of writing groups? The politics of book reviews? Those all seem so tired and way too intense to write in… OMG, only ten minutes left!
But wait. A quick check of the old word counter, and I see I’ve thrown down 400 words. I’ve done it. I’ve written a blog without actually writing anything. That’s it for me! You’ve been a great audience! See you next time!